A SUMMER essential?

Besides cab fare? My Opening Ceremony by Chloe Sevigny wooden platforms.

With a certain Marni-esque quirk about them, they are six inches of bad assnesssssssss!

I wear these bad girls just about everywhere and you can kind of tell. They will need a cleaning sometime soon, but how will my trusty cobbler ever pry them from my feet?!

I love how I subtly tower over the crowd in these and they are perfectly suited for about every occasion. Appointments with clients...shopping excursions...trips to the bodega for milk.

But I'm curious--because I talk so d*mn much--what's your summer essential?

GRRR...

HISS!!!

Naomi takes a bite out of the Fall 2011 Givenchy campaign...

I am CONVINCED...

...Beyonce & Gwenyth Paltrow must have the SAME colorist...

Case in point #1

I couldn't make this ish up if I wanted to...

SNAP judgements: BET Awards Edition

To be perfectly honest, I didn't even watch the proverbial sh*t show that was the 2011 BET Awards, so I may not really have a leg stand on this time around. I was wrapped up in episodes of "True Blood" and "Game of Thrones", and a frozen pizza, but from the looks of things, I didn't miss much.

A few ill-executed tributes to the greats that everyone should be ashamed of, a few emotional Chris Brown moments, a few plugs for Beyonce's new album: same as it ever was.

However, the fashions did create cause for extreme worry. After flipping through a few pics of red carpet turns, I had to ask: Where do ghetto proms stop and the BET Awards start? Like, where is that fine line?


I don't even like using the word "ghetto" to describe a person, place, or time, but I've been rendered speechless...and it's mostly Meagan Good's fault (see below).

Was she even nominated for something!? Or was it Ashanti's fault? At this point, they both owe me an apology for this offense. The only thing missing was a damn corsage. 

And I know what you're thinking: "They're young. They're susceptible to mistakes of this nature." Ha! Then what's Mary's excuse?! She knows damn well she is too old for these types of slip ups. A gold wig and a bandage dress? Is she trying to make me yell at an old woman?!

I mean seriously, ladies: are we really reinventing the wheel with the bandage dress and heels go-to phenomenon? I'd say not. Let's try harder next time, shall we?! And Tika Sumpter (below): I still don't know who you are nor why I should care.

My gravest concerns kind of lies with Nicki Minaj, however, because I'm really just gonna have to let her go. Never as a talent, because she's a beast on the mic, but stylistically I believe she's convinced everyday is a West Indian parade...and that's just gotta' stop. Case in point...

"Basketball Wives" Tami Roman rolled up in a dress straight from her fourteen year old's closet....

And even Idris Elba (Yes! That IDRIS!) hurt my feelings with those two-toned brogues and church suit. It seemed so out of character...I mean, just yesterday I was touting his Pitti Uomo appearance, and now?  I shudder.

But leave it to my doppelganger, Kerry Washington, to get it right. Kerry showed up on Sunday night, wide awake, and ready to stunt. And that she did in Michael Kors....

I was also blown away by Nia Long's pregnant glowwwww. Like, what kind of pre-natal vitamins is she on?! She stole the show from women still taking birth control.

My staple style icon, Tracee Ellis Ross, showed up in an Alaia dress she bought in high school, "which is a totally important designer" mind you, but I don't buy it. My girl looks really...young. Her body is on point, but it's like The Emperor's Clothes: I just gotta say it! She's wearing a bandage dress and heels, so ostensibly she's in the wrong--a place she's never been. So I remain conflicted...

Alicia Keys rolled up in a chic but relaxed look that I actually liked--and I never like what Ms. Keys has on. People were being incredibly unfair about her baby weight, but I'm like,"At least she has an excuse...what's Amber Rose's?!"

I would have so much more respect for this girl if she had gone off and gotten with a Wall Street magnet post-Kanye. It would have proved she learned something through the course of that relationship. But Wiz Khalifa and a jumpsuit?! Both two bad decisions on her part.

But my favorite appearance is the cameo pulled by Little Miss. Sunshine, Rihanna. Girl didn't even hit the show--just the after parties in Alexander Wang and a Nancy Gonzalez clutch. It's like, cut the middle man out and let's drink. A girl after my own heart.

ARE you GONNA go MY WAY!?!

My future ex-husband, Lenny Kravitz, was recently snapped posing for GQ and I have to admit, I got a little emotional...like, down there.

Let me know if that's too much. I just couldn't mince words.

#adventuresinflyness

So the rumors are true: yours truly is now tweeting and twitting and taking my snark to the masses.


I'm a little Twitter challenged, but follow me at LADYpantsBKlyn anyhow. 


You'll enjoy every second of it.

TOO cool for SCHOOL

Miuccia Prada: the Queen of Quirk, herself

By now, we are all aware of how temperamental and picky Miuccia Prada is, no? The deemed "Queen of Quirk" espouses particular standards and predilections that border on the absurd (and racist) all out of need to preserve an ineffable, elusive form of cool around the line.

Y'know, like no Black models on the runway (like ever), no online presence (like ever), no discussion of family history (like ever): silly things like that. Don't get me wrong: love the woman's vision, love the clothes, just hate her politics.

Prada Spring 2011 campaign

Another quirk?: she has a thing for Hollywood's newest and freshest gamines hawking her wares. Loves them, in fact. Kirsten Dunst once had the honor...Maggie Gyllenhall...cough, cough...Lindsay Lohan ::side eye::. All young women with a seemingly certain indie flair, who spoke to the eclectic idea of femininity and sensuality. Beauty with a smirk, if you will.

 

Kirsten Dunst for Miu Miu
Remember when she was cool?! I believe it was around the same time she was dating another Miu Miu model's brother.... 

Maggie Gyllenhaal for Miu Miu

Well, none other than my favorite new screen and fashion darling, Hailee Steinfeld, has taken the reins this season and she doesn't look the least bit of her fourteen years (or is it fifteen?!).

In fact, remember how I recently suggested the talent be home schooled due to her undeniable pre-teen swag (the mean girls/haters would eat her aliiiiive in homeroom)? 

Yes, well...this ad pretty much seals that deal. Ay, ay, ay, how fast they grow up!

Yeezy is a BELIEVER

I think Dallas is going to take on a whole new meaning in the coming months....It's about time.

CHEERS to THAT!

Let us all toast the new appointment of Somalian supermodel, Liya Kebede, as the face of L'Oreal cosmetics, shall we? First round is on me.

I have been mildly obsessed with the woman since her catwalk debut in the early 00's, and am happy to see more beauty companies are recognizing the diversity of beauty.

I'm sure folks will start chattering about her coloring being an issue in 5...4...3...2...1, but screw 'em. The woman is gorgeous and apart of a larger idea of what (Black) beauty is.

So pass the Dom and a crudite: there's another reason to celebrate being beautiful, Black, and oh so flyyyyyyyyyyy.

HOOTIE who!

Say, whose the bird, Maxwell?! 'Cause she definitely ain't me.

STAY in your LANE

I don't mean to be a traitor to my generation and all, but what is it with this recent upsurge of rappers and professional athletes who believe they are bonafide hipsters? Legit style icons?

So their pants don't sag: this does not a fashionista make. You don't get points for that. You did not reinvent the wheel, but instead fixed a wedge in its spokes.

At first I thought it would be a great representation of the diverse menagerie of Black male style. Pharrell hit it on the head, Yeezy, too. But Dwayne Wade? Carmelo Anthony? Ha! I can barely count on them to dribble correctly, let alone pull a non-overstylized ensemble off.

It all looks so forced with the two athletes taking in the shows and sites of Pitti Uomo this week, going backstage to take photographs with designers and the like. No real sense of personal style emanating forth, just well tailored suiting (which is always appreciated, however).

Dwayne, the jig is up: Marc Jacobs doesn't know who you are. Nor should he at this point. You have not shown him, me, or anyone else for that matter how you diverge stylistically from the rest of the league. What sets you apart? What makes you different from say, Amar'e Stoudemire (who by the way has the backing of Anna Wintour)? Take a page from Pharrell and Kanye, and learn about this industry rather than self-anointing one's position in it.

No thanks!

Last week you were crying in the lockerroom and now you're gunning for the GQ cover (at least in your head you are)?! Mixed messages, son. Mixed messages. This is not to suggest that you could never be a style star, but until I see some personal introspection on your style, character, and resolve, I would suggest you stick to dribbling in your lane.

ARM candy

An unidentified Prada-clad bicep. Yum.

SNAP judgements: PART deux

My dear readers,

Apparently my snips and snaps at the styles and tribulations of modern starlets pulled on your heartstrings and tickled your bellies oh so much, that I'm back with more--much to your amusement and the chagrin of pretty much everyone else. My big mouth is flattered.

Kate Winslet in Victoria Beckham
And she's dating a male model!? Sam Mendes, this is what "happily divorced" looks like.

Anna Paquin in Versus
Sookie, if you're reading this than you already know what I'm thinking....

Jennifer Lopez in Lanvin
Although that headdress looks like the makings of a turban, I'm going to look the other way on this one. She's wearing Lanvin... in the desert, so she's kind of a beast.  

Hailee Steinfeld in Philosophy di Alberta Ferretti
My, how the Juniors department has changed since my heyday. I'm not mad though. However, a little girl with this much swag? She's bound for homeschool. The public school system just isn't ready.

Olivia Palermo in Victoria Beckham
Olivia, who?! Eat a sandwich and stop trying so hard. It'll do wonders on your metabolism and wardrobe.  

Evan Rachel Woods in Dolce & Gabbana
Tomboi swag on a hundred-trillion! The openly bi-sexual actress has seemingly channeled her inner  stud...and how!

Liv Tyler in Stella McCartney
Stealing Beauty, indeed.

Sienna Miller in Ralph Lauren
We're just gonna go ahead and call this a fail.

SNAP judgements

As one of my favorite pastimes is silently judging the ensembles of others, I thought why not share some of my running commentary about the styles and tribulations of modern starlets? It's not all snippy, off the-cuff comments on the ill-fated execution of one's attire, but a lot of it is.

It's not fair...it's not right...but it sure is fun.

Nicki Minaj in who knows...
How Queens Plaza of you, dear.

 

Beyonce in Helmut Lang
Wait...I like this. How odd. A little indie cool for the queen of mainstream. Color me impressed. 

Kirstie Alley, in what appears to be Roland Mouret
Say word, Kirstie?! I'm not mad. 

Julia Sarr-Jamois in Rodarte and Prada
       Oh, Jules...I study at your feet.                                                         

Diane Kruger in Alessandra Rich
"Eich bein fly!" I love you, Diane--your Deutsch self stunts on 'em everytime!

Jennifer Lopez in Herve Leger
What the world needs now is not another forty-something year old in a bandage dress, but I'm willing to let that slide if J tells me where she got 'dem shades! Niiiiice!